tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC November 7, 2009 12:35am-1:35am EST
[ cheers and applause ] >> conan: all right, everybody. [ harland screeches ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew.
and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much, everybody. thank you. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon. happy friday. hey, big day in new york for the yankees. [ cheers and applause ] they were honored with a ticker tape parade. did anyone here go to the parade? [ cheers and applause ] very good. the parade began in battery park and then it went up broadway to city hall and then, just to rub it in a little, they drove back and forth past the mets' citi field honking their horns. [ laughter ] that was weird. that was unnecessary. the yankees' parade route traveled through an area called
the canyon of heroes. the parade stopped before wall street which is called the valley of scumbags. [ laughter and applause ] derek jeter described the victory parade as the greatest ride you can take. then a-rod said, "uh -- [ laughter ] yeah, okay. yeah, okay. yeah, that's the greatest ride you can take, whatever." mayor bloomberg was there. he called new york city, "the capital of baseball." and then he spent $85 million of his own money to become the mayor of baseball. [ laughter and applause ] congratulations to mayor bloomberg, the mayor of baseball. [ cheers and applause ] the fans were having the best time. hoping to repeat next season, the yankee fans chanted, "28! 28! 28!" to get a 28th ring. and meanwhile, the mets' fans chanted "let's just win one game. it can even be an exhibition game. we don't have to even win. we can just not lose by a lot. [ laughter ] okay, we can lose by a lot, but not by double-digits." [ laughter ] they eventually got the rhythm going, it was a good chant. you guys, tough economic news.
the unemployment rate went above 10% for the first time since 1983. last week, economists were saying that the recession is finally over, but this week, all of the economists were laid off. [ laughter ] so, it is tough. you guys, last night was "the 2009 mtv europe music awards" in berlin. it went pretty well until one guy was like -- [ in a german accent ] "i am happy for you taylor swift, but beyonce the best video in the world!" [ laughter and applause ] unnecessary. the show was really entertaining. lady gaga changed her lederhosen like 20 times. [ laughter ] [ in a german accent ] "what is she wearing now?" that's my german accent. it's awful. is it awful? is it good? >> steve: no, it is great. [ laughter ] it's great, boss. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you are the best, man.
>> steve: can i clean your car? [ light laughter ] get on with the show. >> jimmy: "you are the funniest." this is amazing, you guys. the new report found that there are 237 millionaires in congress. some of that is oil money, some of it is from family money, but mostly it's just old-fashioned bribes. [ light laughter ] this is crazy, and it's true. a teenager in virginia was hit by a train when he was walking around high on mushrooms. luckily, he wasn't hurt. he's fine. okay, he was injured, but it just didn't hurt. he didn't -- [ laughter ] the teenager is in stable condition and still can't believe he survived an attack by a purple elephant. [ laughter ] he was like, "you don't understand, man! it was awful!" [ laughter ] you guys, apple announced they will open up a new apple store at the louvre, in paris. yeah. and you thought that the guy in the apple store in america was condescending. [ light laughter ] [ in a french/german accent ] "have you tried pressing the on
button, you imbecile?" [ laughter ] he's french and german. how is that french accent? >> steve: great! [ laughter ] 110! >> jimmy: you're the best. this is bizarre. a man in pennsylvania was able to identify the guy who mugged him after looking through his old yearbook, because they were classmates in high school. [ laughter ] he said he was easy to find, because the guy signed his yearbook, "have a good summer. some day, i'm gonna mug you." [ light laughter ] and finally, congressman john boehner told a crowd of protesters yesterday that the new health care bill is the greatest threat to freedom he has ever seen. and the taliban was like, "uh, hello? what?" [ light laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is what i am talking about! dj jazzy jeff! [ cheers and applause ] dj jazzy jeff is in the house. i love it. we have a great show tonight. the hilarious and always fun rosie o'donnell is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] i love rosie o'donnell. from the hit show "vampire diaries," ian somerhalder is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] "vampire diaries." he also plays boone on "lost." and the one and only dj jazzy jeff is sitting in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is going to show us the hot new video game "dj hero." "dj hero," he is going to show us that. and i am excited about that. that should be fun. i love having rosie o'donnell, by the way. she's always been supportive of me and always so much fun. she had her show on the eighth floor when i was on "saturday night live."
so, we would see each other all of the time. it was one of the first talk shows i ever did. and then when i got this show, she was nice enough to -- you have a week of test shows to try to work out the kinks. and we are on our 144th test show. [ laughter ] but you do, you have a week before you go on the air to try to figure out what we are doing. and she was nice enough and i ran into her and she said, "yeah, i'll come to your show. i'll be a guest on the fake ones that don't even air." and that meant the world to me. because it's just hard to book those. i was booking those with my best friend. he was a guest one night. and we had a guy out there who was selling hot dogs. he was a guest. [ laughter ] so it was rosie and then the guy selling hot dogs. and it was a great, hot show. but she's got this new radio show now. it's on satellite radio. it's on xm sirius called "rosie radio" that's awesome. it just started this week. and i got one of those xm things, 'cause i love howard stern. and i wanted to listen to howard stern. and i got this thing, it was a couple of years back, and it was awful to hook up.
i mean, you have to put wires all around your -- i had wires going all around my living room like four times and i was getting like world war ii commands. [ laughter ] it was like a ham radio. i was receiving -- i had dennis quaid rekindling stuff with his father. [ light laughter ] yeah. it was awful. i was like, "okay, i am doing something wrong." and now i have the new xm sirius and it's super easy to hook up. and i'm psyched. i can listen to howard and rosie everyday. it's super fun. so, rosie o'donnell's on the show tonight. and i'm psyched to have her here. [ cheers and applause ] hey, you guys, quickly -- thank you very much. you know, today's friday and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some emails and, of course, i send out some "thank you notes." i'm running a bit late today. so, i thought, if you guys don't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. is that cool? do you mind? [ cheers and applause ] i'll be very fast. i'll be quick. roots, do you have any "thank you note" writing music? ♪ [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: "thank you, christmas decorations, for going up right after halloween. [ laughter ] nothing says holidays like seeing my neighbor replace his plastic dracula with a plastic, baby jesus." [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: "thank you, obama's half-brother mark obama ndesandjo, for being just the latest presidential sibling to show up out of nowhere only to embarrass your more famous brother in the white house. [ light laughter ] obama has you, jimmy carter had billy carter, bill clinton had roger clinton and president bush -- well, actually, he was the embarrassing brother." [ laughter ] [ applause ] applause? ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "thank you, phillies' second baseman chase utley, for
tying reggie jackson's record for most home runs in a world series. also, thank you for proving that the key to hitting home runs is using an entire tub of l.a. looks hair gel before every game." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: "thank you, flower, for keeping the paper sack container business alive. you don't want to change your packaging, huh? gonna keep it in a sack? [ light laughter ] whenever i buy you, i feel like i'm charles ingalls buying something from olson's store on credit." [ laughter and applause ] "are you sure you can afford that, charles? i don't think we can afford it, charles. [ light laughter ] we are going to have to sell albert's clothing. albert, you're going to have to keep wearing that everyday to school." "i'll do it, pa."
[ light laughter ] "half pint, don't get involved. now, go down to olson's store and --" [ laughter ] i'm sorry. sorry. ♪ >> jimmy: "thank you, adam's apple, for being the only way i can tell whether someone is a tranny or not. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i appreciate that." ♪ >> jimmy: "thank you, the dishwasher, for never getting my dishes clean even though that's your only job. [ laughter ] yep, you got a pretty sweet deal, don't you, dishwasher? dishwasher, i am just fooling around. why do you look so freaked out? [ light laughter ] hold on a second, dishwasher. wait a minute. are you wearing a wire? what the -- hey, this dishwasher is a cop! you betrayed me!" [ laughter ]
it's friday, everybody. i don't know what is going on. i just want to send a thank you note to my dishwasher. >> steve: exactly! ♪ >> jimmy: "thank you, pez dispensers, for being little creatures that vomit candy out of your neck. [ laughter ] you're awesome. thanks." [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] ♪ this is my last thank you note. [ audience aws ] ♪ "thank you, the light bulb that has been out in my house for the last two months, for reminding me how lazy i am. [ laughter ] and when i finally do replace you, it won't be with a light bulb i bought, it will be with a light bulb from the least important light in the house. [ laughter ] thank you." there you go. there you have it, everybody. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be back with more "late night." come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. and thank you for watching. like every tv show, our show has sponsors. and these sponsors like to get our audience, and you at home, fired up about their products. and who better to get everybody fired up about these products than the pastor of my church. ladies and gentlemen, my pastor, the reverend darrell bivens, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] everybody say yeah! [ cheers and applause ] everybody say yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ah, yeah. hey, jimmy. ♪ >> jimmy: hey, thank you very much. thank you very much, reverend. are you ready to tell the audience about our latest sponsor? >> you know, jimmy -- ♪ this morning, i was asleep in my
bed, had my hands like this, between my legs. and i was asleep and i thought to myself, "i got to get up. i got to talk to jimmy fallon. i got to tell him about something good. i got to tell him about something good!" [ cheers ] what have we got, jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, tonight, we have toby's rock salt. ♪ >> did he say toby's rock salt? [ cheers and applause ] did he say toby's rock salt? did he say toby's rock salt? >> audience member: yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ >> what about it the toby -- did you say toby rock salt, jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. that's right. that's right. toby rock salt. it's toby's rock salt. "look to toby's for all your sidewalk or driveway ice-melting needs. toby's rock salt."
♪ >> toby's rock salt! [ cheers and applause ] oh, i know how it is. you see, you come home from a hard day's work. you work so hard, didn't you? did you work hard? all right. yes, you did. you could work a little harder. and when you get home, you see it's been snowing all day and it's been compacted. ♪ and what happens when the snow gets compacted? it turns to ice! so that is why you have to get toby's rock salt. ♪ [ applause ] you see, toby's rock salt will make sure that your footing is firm. that you're walking tall and walking good! toby's will make sure that you ain't slipping and sliding. ♪ and slipping and sliding. and slipping and slipping. and slipping and sliding!
make sure you ain't slipping and -- >> audience member: sliding. >> ah! ♪ [ applause ] it'll make sure you ain't slipping and -- >> audience member: sliding. [ light laughter ] >> it'll make sure you ain't slipping and -- >> audience member: sliding! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> toby's rock salt. people on my left say, "slipping." >> audience: slipping! >> people on the right say, "sliding." >> audience: sliding! >> slipping -- >> audience: slipping! >> sliding -- >> audience: sliding. >> audience: sliding! >> slipping -- >> audience: slipping! >> sliding -- >> audience: sliding! ♪ >> you got to get that that rock salt! 'cause if you fall, it ain't your fault! they got it good! they keep you grounded! rock salt! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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for all your clothes. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. hey, our first guest is an emmy award-winning talk show host, actress and comedienne who just launched a brand-new sirius xm satellite radio show this week called "rosie radio." it's on 102, i believe. say hello to the one and only rosie o'donnell, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we love you. we love you. >> look at you, jimmy. it all worked out. >> jimmy: were you scared? >> i was a little nervous for you, honey. [ laughter ] it was a test show, so i know. >> jimmy: i was sweating. >> you were sweating a lot.
the staff was nervous. there was chaos in the hallway. >> jimmy: yes. but you know the one thing you told me to make sure that the sound is good in the audience. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: which we didn't figured out. >> yeah, 'cause you have to mic the audience or else at home it sounds like the jokes aren't funny. >> jimmy: right, yeah. and a lot of times on our show we have that problem. [ laughter ] it's all in the delivery. >> yes, that's true. >> jimmy: but we have chocolates. >> you have to feed the crowd. >> jimmy: yes. [ cheers and applause ] that's from you. and then you were just so nice to do that test show, because you know how hard it is. it is crazy to book the show when everyone is going, like, "i don't know." >> "what is that show?" >> jimmy: "i don't know what it is." >> "i'm not sure he is funny enough for me. i'm not going to try it out." >> jimmy: and that meant so much to me. >> well, you know, what are the chances that you and i would be sitting next to each other in the front row during the paul simon concert at the beacon. sitting next to whoopi goldberg. and then garfunkel comes out there. it was like, you know, god required some sort of gift. i said, "what can i do, god?" he said, "do a practice show with jimmy!" [ laughter ]
i turned to you and said -- >> jimmy: that was insane. i think at one point i was grabbing your hand -- >> yeah, we were holding hands. >> jimmy: yeah, i was like, "this is insane." garfunkel came out singing -- "rosie"? no, that was paul simon. >> "queen of corona." >> jimmy: "queen of corona," yeah. and then simon goes, "here's my friend --" and then garfunkel just rolled out. >> and the crowd went insane. >> jimmy: it was like, "what?" >> yeah, "how is this happening?" >> jimmy: i know. then i just started crying. >> yeah, i did, too. we were both crying. >> jimmy: it was an emotional thing for me. >> were you embarrassed to cry in front of me? 'cause i was embarrassed to cry in front of you. >> jimmy: yeah, i turned my head a little bit. >> i did the same thing! [ light laughter ] i went like, "i don't want him to see this!" >> jimmy: and it was a quick tear wipe. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: it was like when i saw "up." that's the same thing. >> oh, i loved "up"! >> jimmy: my wife didn't see it. she said, "i don't want to see 'up.' it's a kid's movie" or something. i rented -- i'm at a hotel. and i rent those movies. >> so, do, i. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so, i watched "up." i call her. i am like -- i go, "i'm crying. the movie made me cry." >> an animated fat kid and ed asner -- you're gonna cry. [ laughter ] that's a great movie. have you seen "where the wild things are"? >> jimmy: no. >> best movie i've seen in the
10 years. >> jimmy: really? >> and it's not for kids only. it's for grownups. but this is a spectacular piece of art. >> jimmy: really? >> i wanted to, like, call up the guy, who i had never heard of, 'cause i'm so old. >> jimmy: spike jonze. >> spike jonze! isn't he the guy who did the chris walken music video? that's all i'm thinking. >> jimmy: that's him, yeah. >> that is him. >> jimmy: i thought you were gonna say, "isn't the guy who did 'cocktails for two.'" that's the other spike jones. >> no. >> jimmy: spike jones and his city slickers? >> no! >> jimmy: old comedian. >> no, i don't know him. >> jimmy: it was, like, novelty records. >> but i did know soupy sales. did you know soupy? >> jimmy: no. >> did you work with him at all? [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: you met him? >> i worked with him when i was a young comic when i was about 20 years old out on long island at a club called chuckles in minneola. he was the headliner. and i remember thinking, "soupy sales from tv?" he was like the first -- one of the first famous comics i ever met. and he was very, very sweet to all the young starters, like me. and who else was there? seinfeld and all of the people who started those clubs like eddie murphy. and everybody came to watch him. and he was spectacular. >> jimmy: did you do those shows as well, because i know "star search" was a big break for you. >> yes, it was, in '84.
>> jimmy: but wasn't the "rodney dangerfield special." 'cause those guys did that, too, as well. right? >> yeah, they did that. well, i'm from long island, so the first guy to break it big from there was eddie murphy. right? he was on "snl." and he was sort of from the group. and just as he made it on "snl," i was starting to do standup. i started at 16 years old and i started to sneak into the clubs with my neighbor's i.d. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yes, for the first three nights i performed as doreen nordin. [ laughter ] because that was the girl whose i.d. i borrowed. >> jimmy: no way! >> yes. >> jimmy: i totally did that. i swear to god i did the same thing. >> are you kidding me? >> jimmy: i was at def comedy jam. you remember def jam had a comedy thing? >> right, right. >> jimmy: and they had a contest. and i couldn't get it, 'cause you had to be over 18. and i was 17 or something like that. and i used a fake i.d. and i was jeffrey smollin. >> and did you go up as him? >> jimmy: yeah. and i won. >> are you kidding? >> jimmy: i won as jeffery smollin. >> oh, my! are you kidding? [ applause ] they were like, "give it up for jeffrey smollin, everybody!" and i was like, "that's me." >> now, did you start in all of the clubs in boston? >> jimmy: no, i'm a new yorker. >> how come i think you're from boston?
>> jimmy: everyone thinks i'm from boston all the time, 'cause i did "fever pitch." this movie about the red sox. >> oh, that's right. that's right. >> jimmy: they win the world series, which was unbelievable. >> with drew, right? >> jimmy: yeah. i love her. >> she's fantastic. >> jimmy: and then on "saturday night live," i did these characters with rachel dratch, where we were these two boston kids. [ in a boston accent ] "you're retarded." "you are!" [ in a boston accent ] >> "you're more retarded." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. and that became famous. and everybody's like, "you're from boston." >> i got it. >> jimmy: i don't care. it's a great city. >> well, i was in college there. so, i started at those clubs up there, too. you know, i didn't have enough money to get in to see the comics or to even hang out to try to get on stage. so the first night, i'm at this club. i'm sneaking in and the owner goes, "what are you doing?" i go, "oh, i'm a comic. i work at catch and dangerfield, the improv." never worked any of them. [ light laughter ] and i had only worked at ground round on long island. [ laughter ] really, i was totally an open mic-er. and they said, "listen, teddy bergeron has passed out. and can you do 20 minutes opening in plum?" and i go, "sure." as if 20 minutes of stand up was easy to do. and i get into the station wagon with who? denis leary. >> jimmy: is that right? >> and he drives us. we go to do this gig. and he was the opener, i was the middle, 'cause i was the one
with experience, and then there was a headliner, who i think was lenny clarke. and we get there -- you are? >> jimmy: yeah. >> where? >> jimmy: cam neely's. they're doing "comics come home" tomorrow. >> oh, that's a great thing that denis does. >> jimmy: i got to tell him this story. he'll love it. >> yeah. and he was so nice. >> jimmy: how'd you do? >> i had no act, jimmy. i totally bombed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. no, this is what i did. i said, "here's my impression of 'pac-man.'" "woo, woo, woo." [ light laughter ] that is about eight seconds. [ laughter ] i had 19 minutes left. and i had nothing to do. you know? and so, afterwards, i did, literally, probably, five minutes. and denis leary comes back up. and on the way home in the car he says, "listen, ro? next time you tell a club owner you can do 20, make sure you can do 30. and i won't tell them. but next time, make sure you can do it." >> jimmy: yeah. >> he was so nice to me. 'cause he could've sort of gotten me, like, banned. and you know? >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> and he took a little protective older brother arm over me. >> jimmy: that's super rad. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, when we come back, we've got to talk about this radio show. >> all right, if we have to. >> jimmy: yeah, we have to. more with rosie when we come back, everybody! come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ boss:hey, glad i caught you. i was on my way to present ideas
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. rosie o'donnell, everybody. >> hi. >> jimmy: i'm so psyched. you're on the radio now. >> yeah, i just started. this is my first week. >> jimmy: how did it go? what'd you think? >> it's hard to tell, there's no audience. it's like stand-up to an empty room, you know?
>> jimmy: yeah. >> so it's kind of awkward. there's like three people sitting in there and then they put a big sound-booth, like a drive-thru window, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the poor sound guy, lou. >> jimmy: really? >> oh, no, the poor guy. he's the best board operator they have at sirius and he's very well known. and he doesn't like to talk or look people in the eye. [ light laughter ] and i guess this is not a requirement for normal radio hosts, but i'm so narcissistic, that i want everyone to watch me, you know? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, i'm like on the radio, there's no reason for him to be looking at me, he's listening, he's doing his job. and i'm like, "lou, can you make some eye contact? [ light laughter ] lou!" and the poor guy. i, apparently, scared him to death. [ light laughter ] because i didn't know this, we had two weeks of practice shows like you did, right, for here? >> jimmy: yeah. >> just to get use to it, the format. and, apparently, i said to him, "if you leave two seconds of dead air again, i will replace you." now, i don't remember saying that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because it wasn't particularly a threat, it was just a statement of fact. [ laughter ] if your gonna drop the ball twice, i will get somebody else to carry the ball, right?
>> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> i wasn't being mean. >> jimmy: all you have is a microphone. >> correct. so, friday, today's show, i said, to him, "so, lou we've worked it out. we're getting along and everything's fine." he goes, "yeah. to tell you the truth, the first two days, i thought for sure, all those things the tabloid said about you were true and you're a horrible bitch." [ laughter ] i said, "are you kidding?" he said, "no, you scared the [ bleep ] out of me, rosie." [ laughter ] i didn't realize it. and then i said, "did i yell at you?" he said, "worse, you did that low darth vader voice." [ laughter ] now, i do this -- my children make fun of my for doing it and i guess you shouldn't do it to people who work for you, but as you'll learn it's hard to be the boss. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i said something along the lines of, "let me make myself clear to you, if i ever hear two seconds of dead air time again, i will replace you. do you understand me? >> jimmy: wow. >> that's scared the [ bleep ] out of him, right there. that's about lou. >> jimmy: you can't say those words on national television. >> oh, i'm so not used to it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you have a -- >> i have two beeps already. >> jimmy: no, it's all right. we can dab a couple of beeps.
>> [ bleep ] >> jimmy: no! no! that's it! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you just wanted to get the good one out there, yeah. >> well, i figured i already did two [ bleep ], let's throw in an "f", you know? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: two more "f's", that's on more beep. >> and you know what's really weird about this how gig? you know how i got this gig? >> jimmy: no. >> howard stern. >> jimmy: is that right? >> for ten years of my life, that guy hated me. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> he used to call me fat pumpkin, balloon head, blah, blah blooey. i used to go to the mall and teenage boys with -- they'd look at me and go, "blah. i hate you, blah, blah, blooey, pumpkin head." [ laughter ] i'm going, what the -- i'm pushing a stroller by target, like, "get away from me." >> jimmy: what's going on? >> that guy scared me for years. i would just sort of pretend he didn't exist, you know? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then when i got married, he stood up and said, "that's good somebody's doing that and rights for all people and good for her. maybe i thought wrong about her." and then we had some mutual friends, mia farrell, kept saying, "you know, you would like him."
and he kept saying -- she kept saying to him, "you would like her." so, i did the show about a year ago and he kept saying to the people there, "you should give her a show." >> jimmy: is that right? >> "you should give her a show." and then they did. and i kept saying, "well, can they -- how about this -- can they make me a studio at my house?" they said, "yes!" "can they pay me a lot of money?" they said, "yes." like, "can they give me the kids school schedule?" "yes." there was no reason not to do it. >> jimmy: you go, "i had to do it." >> i had to do it. >> jimmy: and the show's just kind of you talking about you anything. it's not -- >> anything. >> jimmy: it is not a political show. >> no. >> jimmy: it's just you talking to me going -- it's you and a couple of friends. >> yeah, it's not ever going to be me and glenn beck. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it won't be. >> no. >> jimmy: crying hysterically. no. >> no. [ crying sounds ] "obama is ruining everything. i want drugs. be afraid, america, we're in trouble!" [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't want to hear that everyday now. >> i don't understand why people enjoy that carnival barker. i don't get it. [ laughter ] he's a scary man to me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's not like a morning drive time like, "good morning, everybody. we got some crazy -- oh, my god, you guys!"
[ laughter ] you know. >> being a comic, i'm never up that early to listen to the morning zoo. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> but it's 10:00 to 12:00, eastern time. it's when my kids are at school, you know, i sit -- like the first day, there was a guy next door hammering during the show. so i opened the window and screamed, "hi, could you not hammer? we have a show today until 12." next day, day two, live, hammering again. >> jimmy: there you go. >> so, day three, he was a guest. [ laughter ] that's how it's going to work. that's the kind of show it is. >> jimmy: and you take phoners in? >> we take phone calls. yes. >> jimmy: i'm so excited. i'm so happy. >> and we have t-shirts and everything. yeah. >> jimmy: you give them -- what do you mean? >> when people call in, i give -- i send them a t-shirt 'cause you know, i'm all about free gifts, jimmy. and you should learn from me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm working on it. i'm working on it. i'm working on it. >> we have like -- we have like at least 30 minutes, you could send some of you staff out somewhere. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no. no, it's too late. too late. you're the greatest. i will never forget how you helped me out. >> oh, jimmy. you know what, you are doing so well. i am so happy that you are --
this show is kicking butt and you are freaking funny and i would do whatever you need. can i stay for the rest of the show? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. sure. >> can i hang out? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> i'll move down. i won't interrupt. and i won't curse again. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: oh, please. you can do whatever you want. honestly -- >> i'd like to give away a gift. can you give away a -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we will work on it. we'll work on that. rosie is here. we can work on that. >> all right. >> jimmy: "rosie radio" airs monday through friday from 10:00 am to 12:00 pm eastern on sirius xm. xm -- sirius xm -- starts -- >> it doesn't matter. on satellite radio. just -- >> jimmy: channel 102. xm channel 155. >> it's very hard. i don't know what channel it is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: rosie o'donnell, everybody. ian somerhalder joins us next when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (announcer) there are car radios... and then there is the voice-recognizing, text-out-loud-reading, turn-by-turn-direction- giving sync® system ...in the all-new taurus from ford. (beep) (sync® voice) please say a command. read message.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. our next guest stars in the "vampire diaries," which has turned into a huge hit show. you also know him as boone carlisle on "lost." put it together for ian somerhalder, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. >> that is cool. >> jimmy: yeah, they are cool. yeah. you talking about that? >> you guys are amazing by the
way. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dj jazzy jeff is with them. it's a bonus. >> i know, man. i grew up listening to them. >> jimmy: your show is off of the charts. people are going nuts for "vampire diaries." people -- >> jimmy: they're rioting in the streets, yeah. >> rosie: big hit. big hit. >> jimmy: big hit. smash hit, buddy. and i mean -- so, you're doing that and you're boone from "lost." [ cheers and applause ] you already got killed. yeah, you got killed. yeah, yeah, but it's okay. and you were the first guy to get killed. >> yeah, i was the first cast and the first to -- >> jimmy: well, that must have been a bummer, right? because you go, "here i am. i got the biggest break in my career. this is awesome." and then next thing you know, "hey, buddy --" >> thanks, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] did you -- how was it? what was it like? >> it was -- it was incredible. we were a huge hit. life was incredible. i was going to buy a house in hawaii. we had literally just came from the golden globes, and i get a phone call. "don't buy the house." [ light laughter ] j.j. abrams called from "lost" and they said, "well, we've
deiced to kill boone." >> jimmy: see right then, i'd immediately -- i would start to work on my boone record. [ laughter ] i would be like -- ♪ i'm lost i'm lost in the city i'm lost in the club ♪ >> you should have some -- >> jimmy: yeah, "full boone risin.'" "full boone risin'." that's the name of the album. [ laughter ] >> rosie: pat boone covers. >> jimmy: yeah, you could do -- >> rosie: pat boone. >> jimmy: pat boone covers. that would have been awesome. [ laughter ] that's what i'm talking about. >> i'm in a cross fire right now, i think. >> jimmy: instead, what did you end up doing? depressed? >> no. well, actually, i was in wine country. and i had a couple of glasses of wine. so, it was -- yeah. well, we'll rethink this whole thing. >> jimmy: hanging out with mr. bartles, and mr. jaymes. >> really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you remember who they were? >> of course. >> jimmy: you look like you're 15. "i have no idea what's going on." [ laughter and applause ] bartles and jaymes was a wine cooler. very famous. >> there was also boone's farm. >> that is right. that's a wine. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: so we're talking about the whole thing comes all of the way around. full circle, man. >> all connected. it's like "lost." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and speaking of "lost" -- this totally -- i heard this rumor. and i was in comicon and -- maybe, you can tell me if i'm wrong -- >> we were there together. >> jimmy: boone's coming back? >> boone is coming back. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. yeah, i went back. i already went back. it's a hell of -- can i say hell? >> jimmy: sure. >> i said [ bleep ] twice. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. >> then i dropped the f-bomb, but they'll edit it. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> yeah, they'll cut that out. >> jimmy: yeah, you can say it. >> it's a hell of a commute. from atlanta, it's nine and half hour -- >> jimmy: wait -- i don't want to hear about the commute. i want to hear -- you're back on "lost." >> yeah. >> jimmy: what is going on? you died. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now you're back? >> and that's all i can say. >> jimmy: what? are you wearing the same clothes? >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> that was weird. >> jimmy: that's something. >> and i've kept -- >> jimmy: that's a hint. that's a secret. >> rosie: you're not an evil twin, then. >> jimmy: yeah. >> kept my figure. >> jimmy: unless your twin dresses just like you do, and then that'd be weird.
>> rosie: that'd be a lifetime movie. >> jimmy: that'd be a lifetime movie? [ laughter ] >> rosie: then you'd have to be a killer. >> jimmy: then you have to be -- >> rosie: he'd be a murder. >> jimmy: he'd be locked up in attic. >> we could star in it. >> rosie: i would love it. >> jimmy: let's do this. we look alike. >> rosie: come on, look at this. [ light laughter ] is this -- look it, this is a young rob lowe. look how stunning. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, there you go. >> watch how red i turn now, rosie. >> rosie: no, honey, you're stunning looking. i hope you have a mirror. do you know how handsome you are? >> wait, here's my mirror. >> jimmy: yeah, we look exactly alike. [ laughter ] >> unbelievable. >> jimmy: people mistake me for you all the time. you, and like, "oh, yeah. dude are you -- are you brad pitt?" and i go, "no, no, i'm jimmy fallon." [ light laughter ] and they're like, "oh." >> how's that work?" >> jimmy: well, the autograph, i just sign boone. [ laughter ] walk away. >> i love this show. this is -- >> jimmy: thanks. it's easy, right? so that good. you're doing -- you have two smash hit shows. not bad for a kid from louisiana. just not like hollywood over there. you're just -- like get into the business or -- >> louisiana is kind of like hollywood now. no, my mom did it.
i mean, she's amazing. she had the foresight and the insight to push me -- >> jimmy: now they were there during hurricane katrina. i know you have a crazy story. >> my whole family decided to stay. idiots. [ laughter ] except for my brother, but my parents did. my father -- i called them -- i went on, you know, yahoo weather. i'm watching the whole thing and i call them and i see this storm. it's covering the whole state. and i call them, "what are you doing?" and he's sitting in his car. because the house -- they were like projectile branches hitting the house and exploding. and he thought, "well, i'll get in the car and drive to the other side of the property where it looks like there is less wind." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, sounds like my dad would do that, too. >> and i called him and it, literally, sounded like he was in union square in the subway station. he said the winds were about 160 miles and hour and he was watching our pine trees -- 200 foot pine trees snap off in middle, fly 100 feet and then
stick back into the earth. >> jimmy: geez. >> and then the line went dead. and that was it, and i figured, "oh, he's dead." literally, that's what i thought. and so i flew down there, and we ended up finding him. but he was cutting himself out of the road. and it took him, i think, eight hours to cut about 15 feet. >> jimmy: wow. wait, so your dad is totally fine? >> yeah, he is fine. >> jimmy: gosh, it was a downer story. [ laughter ] >> rosie: i thought we were getting to somebody was injured and there was a phone number. we could send money. i was ready to write a check to your dad. >> everybody's fine. >> jimmy: that story scared me. >> well, i can do that. >> jimmy: you can? you're giving your dad's number on the air? >> yes, i know. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> rosie: i just want to say, there's a good chance i could be a heterosexual cougar. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: it could happen. we're breaking records here on the show! watch it! ian somerhalder stars in the "vampire diaries" every thursday. we'll be joining dj jazzy jeff for a "dj hero" demo when we come back. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your home sees a lot of life,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back, everybody. i am hanging out with dj jazzy jeff who has been sitting here with the roots all night, blowing our minds on the turntables. jeff, thank you so much for coming here. i appreciate this. now, what is this turntable? and is it tricky? is it hard? >> well, it's when you use the turntable as a musical instrument. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: can you give us a little taste? >> okay. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] that was good. that was awesome. now, can i do something like that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i could? >> yeah, i think so. >> jimmy: okay. now, what do i do? >> well, actually, you know what -- >> jimmy: do i put these on? i --
♪ >> you see that? >> jimmy: all right, yeah. >> that's the beat. >> jimmy: okay. >> you got to make sure you're on the beat. >> jimmy: okay. >> and then -- ♪ all right. now, you got to catch the beat. there you go. [ laughter ] ♪ catch the beat. ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ [ laughter ] the beat. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ there you go, okay. all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm awful. i'm awful. ♪ >> that was close. >> jimmy: you almost blew me -- people just walk, right? you want to show me how to do "dj hero"? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: thanks. please, let's look at this. "dj hero." rosie and ian, you guys want to come out and take a lesson? you know rosie and ian? this is dj jazzy jeff. >> rosie: hi, dj jazzy jeff. how are you? >> how are you? >> rosie: very nice to meet you. >> i'm good. >> jimmy: that's ian. >> ian: such a pleasure. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: all right. so, here we go. we got this up here. >> rosie: okay. >> jimmy: how's it go? you want to teach rosie? you want to go first? >> there's three buttons. >> rosie: okay. >> and what you'll see on the screen is three buttons represent thee tracks with their colors.
one is green. one's red. one's blue. >> rosie: okay. >> this is the cross fader, which goes from one side to the other side. >> rosie: right. >> jimmy: so, this is the hottest christmas present out right now? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: "dj hero." >> rosie: it is hard to get, i hear. >> so -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> you have too -- >> oh, yeah, look at this. >> jimmy: the records coming by, blue. >> there you go. >> rosie: okay. do you need help or can you do it on your own? ready? [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: blue! >> rosie: green! blue again! green! blue! green! >> jimmy: green! >> rosie: blue! blue! sideways! >> jimmy: quick sideways! >> rosie: sideways blue. right. blue! left! [ talking over each other ] >> blue! blue! blue! blue! >> jimmy: green! >> blue! >> jimmy: all right. this is a little tricky. ian, try this. >> rosie: ian, get over there. >> jimmy: get over there. try it. >> rosie: this looks very fun. what do you do when there's a little blue -- >> it's scratch. >> ian: that's what that little thing means? >> okay. >> scratch! [ talking over each other ]